What goes around comes around...and it takes 107 days (a must read)
A little over 3 months ago I decided to do something a little different in my life.
The idea that one small shift in my own daily behaviour can create a huge shift in the world is deeply embedded in me and is a part of everything I teach and touch.
So this past July I went to the usual Tim Hortons (a coffee place for you non-Canadians) where I live in Oakville, Ontario, and placed my usual order at the speaker. After I paid for my coffee, this time I pointed my thumb backwards and asked "How much is his order?"
The server at the window was a bit confused and I had to repeat the question. In my mind I imagined she was making sense of my request by imagining that I was surprising a friend who was in the next car, or paying for someone's coffee who was helping me in some way.
She told me what it was and I pulled a $5 bill and paid for the order of the guy behind me.
When I got my change, I quickly sped out of the parking lot and went to my meeting.
Now, in many ways the experience of anonymously buying someone's coffee changed my day. I spent a few minutes indulging in cackling thinking about what the person who arrived at the window to find some stranger had bought them a drink would think...
But then I went to my meeting and forgot about it. I enjoyed what I had done and in random moments wondered what someone would do if some stranger had bought them something out of the blue...
In the intervening months, I indulged in this experiment a half-dozen times. I didn't set up to do it, when I came to the window I would spontaneously (after I paid for my own coffee) ask about the order of the person behind me and pay it.
Each time I did it, I'd drive away smiling, hoping that the person would get the point of the exercise - that they would pay it forward as well.
That brings us to today. This morning I got up early because I was teaching a class downtown. I packed up the car and got everything ready. Made breakfast for Jack, gave him a kiss and told him to be a good boy for Mommy today. Got into the car, waved to him and headed off to the local Tim Horton's for my morning coffee.
The line was long and the drive-through was packed but it was moving. I looked at the long line of minivans and thought that Oakville had to be the land of the MiniVan!
When finally my turn came at the window, the teenager awkwardly handed me my coffee and, ignoring my $5 said, "The lady in front of you paid for your drink."
I said, "Uh...what?"
She repeated, "DUDE, THE LADY IN FRONT OF YOU PAID FOR YOUR DRINK."
I said, under my breath, "Oh my God...that's awesome!"
She said, "Yeah"
Really - that made my day.
My wife Jennifer has known about this quirky, nutty 'Hugh-thing' since I started doing it. I'm not sure if she thought I was great or nuts, but when I told her tonight, 107 days after I bought my first anonymous stranger a coffee, she cried. She said, "Oh my god - you paid it forward!!! And the person who bought your coffee was either someone whose coffee you bought, or someone who heard about it!"
Jennifer really got it. The trick is...and it's probably 'the trick' in life is to pay it forward with absolutely no expectation of ever getting it back. It doesn't have to be a big thing at all - even a coffee will do. You may think you're paying for a coffee or two or three or twelve, but you'll realize when you do it, it's not about the coffee, and it's not about the money and it's not about you. It's all about your decision to do something different and it's all about your intention.
Please send me an e-mail and let me know your own intention experiment goes for you.
The idea that one small shift in my own daily behaviour can create a huge shift in the world is deeply embedded in me and is a part of everything I teach and touch.
So this past July I went to the usual Tim Hortons (a coffee place for you non-Canadians) where I live in Oakville, Ontario, and placed my usual order at the speaker. After I paid for my coffee, this time I pointed my thumb backwards and asked "How much is his order?"
The server at the window was a bit confused and I had to repeat the question. In my mind I imagined she was making sense of my request by imagining that I was surprising a friend who was in the next car, or paying for someone's coffee who was helping me in some way.
She told me what it was and I pulled a $5 bill and paid for the order of the guy behind me.
When I got my change, I quickly sped out of the parking lot and went to my meeting.
Now, in many ways the experience of anonymously buying someone's coffee changed my day. I spent a few minutes indulging in cackling thinking about what the person who arrived at the window to find some stranger had bought them a drink would think...
Is it a friend playing a trick?...
Is it someone who thinks I'm cute?...
Is it some sort of trick?...
Am I on camera?...
But then I went to my meeting and forgot about it. I enjoyed what I had done and in random moments wondered what someone would do if some stranger had bought them something out of the blue...
In the intervening months, I indulged in this experiment a half-dozen times. I didn't set up to do it, when I came to the window I would spontaneously (after I paid for my own coffee) ask about the order of the person behind me and pay it.
Each time I did it, I'd drive away smiling, hoping that the person would get the point of the exercise - that they would pay it forward as well.
That brings us to today. This morning I got up early because I was teaching a class downtown. I packed up the car and got everything ready. Made breakfast for Jack, gave him a kiss and told him to be a good boy for Mommy today. Got into the car, waved to him and headed off to the local Tim Horton's for my morning coffee.
The line was long and the drive-through was packed but it was moving. I looked at the long line of minivans and thought that Oakville had to be the land of the MiniVan!
When finally my turn came at the window, the teenager awkwardly handed me my coffee and, ignoring my $5 said, "The lady in front of you paid for your drink."
I said, "Uh...what?"
She repeated, "DUDE, THE LADY IN FRONT OF YOU PAID FOR YOUR DRINK."
I said, under my breath, "Oh my God...that's awesome!"
She said, "Yeah"
Really - that made my day.
My wife Jennifer has known about this quirky, nutty 'Hugh-thing' since I started doing it. I'm not sure if she thought I was great or nuts, but when I told her tonight, 107 days after I bought my first anonymous stranger a coffee, she cried. She said, "Oh my god - you paid it forward!!! And the person who bought your coffee was either someone whose coffee you bought, or someone who heard about it!"
Jennifer really got it. The trick is...and it's probably 'the trick' in life is to pay it forward with absolutely no expectation of ever getting it back. It doesn't have to be a big thing at all - even a coffee will do. You may think you're paying for a coffee or two or three or twelve, but you'll realize when you do it, it's not about the coffee, and it's not about the money and it's not about you. It's all about your decision to do something different and it's all about your intention.
Please send me an e-mail and let me know your own intention experiment goes for you.
posted by Hugh Comerford at 7:55 PM
3 Comments:
Very nice! I wonder how many people at drive-throughs around the world will be touched by what started as one simple act of kindness???
That rocks. The math on the Pay It Forward site shows if you start with 3 people getting paid forward kicking off a cycle where each of the recipients pays it forward to 3 others, in 2 weeks that's over 4.7 million people involved.
My point (and I do have one Hugh :> ) is that, barring Hugh getting spotted or outed, in a community the size of Oakville, using filters like Tim Horton's, patronage it took 107 days for that to go full circle.
My guesstimate puts it at several HUNDRED people involved.
The ripples will go far both inn time and distance.
That's HHHHUUUUGGGGE!
--PB--
Hi Hugh, 'Pay It Forward' is one of my favorite movies, and I've written those words in calligraphy, carved them in wooden a dozen times for gifts, and have them over my office door. It's nice that you are continuing this tradition in your daily life, in a 'Hughism' tradition. In a world where many people would rather confuse kindness with weakness or turn away from real and genuine caring, you are truly head and shoulders above the crowd. Your wife's tears are a beautiful reflection of the man you are, someone who can move friend and stranger alike to kindnesses that are not ever forgotten.
Rob Rousseau :)
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