Behaviour vs. Intention

One of the most important distinctions that we make in the world of NLP is to differentiate between a) how people behave, and b) what they were trying to do for themselves through their (sometimes odd) behaviour.

Here’s a radical statement for you to chew over: “We all do things for ourselves, and if others are hurt or angered by our actions, well that is typically an unintended byproduct of what we were actually doing.”

Think about it:

We yell when we feel unheard.
We push people to create space for ourselves.
We smoke cigarettes so we can have little break or rest.
We chase reckless drivers to ensure people drive safely.

So you can see in these examples the dots don’t connect very well – the behaviours don’t do a particularly elegant job achieving the intentions.

However, if you can understand that people have often unconscious goals that we can all support (to feel safe, to have a break, to be heard) that their behaviour attempts to achieve through their behavioural menu* which is a little short on choices in the moment.

So next time, perhaps today, that someone says or does something ‘stupid’, before reacting, quietly ask yourself this question,

“Hmmm…I wonder what they’re trying to get for themselves by saying/doing that?”



* stay tuned for future posts on the concept of Behavioural Menus

Toronto Power Group

Last night I was the guest speaker for the monthly Toronto Power Group gathering at Metro Hall in Toronto. The Toronto Power Group is a non-profit organization of people who are interested in self-improvement mostly through the work of Tony Robbins, whom I consider NLP’s most successful (and famous) student.

Although I had expected 10 to 20 people, I was surprised and pleased to find that there were around 40 – 50 people in attendance many of whom had heard of NLP but very few had heard of New Code. You can imagine I was happy to have the opportunity to make the important distinctions between the two technologies.

(Just in case you’re not clear, you can see the full explanation here – it’s a transcript of a speech given by Judy Delozier (one of my teachers) given about 13 years ago in London.)

Thanks to Peter and Freddy for setting things up, and Ellen and Frank for showing up!

 

Honestly, other than in training sessions, that was the most fun I’ve ever had speaking publicly.

Hugh's Favourite (corporate) question

Here’s a fun question I sometimes ask my corporate clients to get them thinking different…thinking systemically about their organizations:

 

If your goal was to improve morale and productivity in your organization and the only tool you had at your disposal was to fire one person, who would that person be?

 

It is important to be ready, then aim, then fire. In other words, thinking clearly about your outcomes, improving morale and productivity, what part of the corporate culture or even the informal culture inhibits these benchmarks?

 

Could it be the outlier – the person who few speak with? Or is it the leader of the Thursday-after-work-for-drinks crowd? Is it the gossipy person or the quiet one who everyone secretly thinks is eeevil?

 

Is it you? Are you the one whose absence would be represented by an uptick in corporate happiness and getting things done?

 

Hmmm…

 

So what is NLP Training like?

Today is day 11 of our 12 day NLP Practitioner course. My students are a bit tired and while they are looking forward to having this course over with they are also very eager to learn more!
Some of my students are always looking for the next thing. What they have is interesting but not nearly as compelling as the next thing they don’t know. It’s as if gave them the cure for cancer, but they said, “Yeah cool - that’s great but what else do you got?”
That’s not a bad metaphor for how people typically think about their own skill sets. People typically denigrate what they have, and look forward to what they don’t as if it has that essential ingredient that is missing from their arsenal.
As if skills are a good substitute for states.
One of the most important presuppositions of NLP is to understand that we have all the resources we need to accomplish those things we want most in life, the problem is we don’t always have them ‘on hand’.
At least we don’t think we do…   

 

We have another course beginning in a few weeks – stay tuned!

Time keeps on ticking.....into the future

Time has become my favourite sport lately…well that and culture, so stay tuned for many posts on both these subjects.

Let me tell you something special about your own brain. It lives ‘in-time’. That means it has no interest in ‘past’ or ‘future’; it only knows it’s now no matter what it is tasked to think about.

It is because of this special ability to think ‘in-time’ that allows us to project our minds forward and backward in time simply by thinking about the past and future.

Behind our training room is a fenced-in area of old growth trees. They are huge and peaceful to look at. If you were hooked up to an fMRI machine and stared at a particular tree, your brain would show a certain pattern of activity. If you were then to close your eyes and imagine the same tree, your brain would light up identically as if you were actually looking at that tree.

 

So it goes with time. If you fully imagine something that you want in the future and visualize everything about that scene, listen to your inner voice when you have achieved that goal and pay attention to what you hear outside yourself, and deeply feel those feelings of satisfaction and success, and in particular notice where in your body you feel then, you will have successfully ‘rehearsed’ achieving your goal.

 

In the above example, because the brain lives ‘in-time’ it produces all the appropriate chemicals to give those feelings, understandings and thoughts as if success is real NOW.

 

I have used this concept in my work extensively. My Self-Mentor^TM process takes special ‘advantage’ of this aspect of the brain’s ability to rehearse a desired future as easily as you can remember a happy past situation.

 

Tony Robbins said it well: “Your past doesn’t equal your future.”

News from NLP Centres CANADA

Yeah yeah…so it’s a little late…

 

 

If you are reading this in your e-mail box, it’s because you initially signed up for our Newsletter, but we have converted your subscription to have the blog postings on NLP and NLP Centres CANADA sent to you by e-mail. The postings, by the way, will also be available at our website: http://www.nlpworks.com/blog

 

In the past couple of months, we’ve been fiddling with ways to get the word out about NLP and NLP Centres CANADA and although the newsletter idea was pretty good you may be surprised how fiddly those things could become.

 

So…although I was initially resistant to the idea of ‘blogging’, I’ve come around to believe it’s a great way to disseminate information to a group of people.

Welcome to the NLPworks Blog!!

 

First off, if you’re unfamiliar with what a blog is, it actually stands for ‘web log’. If you think of your old Sesame Street days, you can almost see the word ‘web’ come from the left side of your screen, and the word ‘log’ from the right… When you smash it together, the W and E mush into the B and the word becomes Blog!

 

Here’s a definition from Matisse Enzer’s Glossary of Internet Terms: Blog -- (weB LOG) A blog is basically a journal that is available on the web. The activity of updating a blog is "blogging" and someone who keeps a blog is a "blogger." Blogs are typically updated daily using software that allows people with little or no technical background to update and maintain the blog.

 

So there you have it. Expect to hear from us more often in the future, and if you have any comments or feedback, you can go to the blog site above and click on ‘comments’, or you can always e-mail me at hugh@nlpworks.com.