Friday…whatever that means

Jennifer just poked her head into my office a second ago and said the words that are inspiring this blog posting. She said, “You know, it’s Friday today.” I laughed and said, “Whatever that means…”

Jennifer looked at me and said, “You know what? One day we’re going to write a book called, “Friday…whatever that means.” About people who build their businesses from home to better take care of their kids and their overall well-being.”

You can see how she really did inspire this…

You see, Jennifer and I both work from home. Each of us has our own business(es). Jennifer has her CGA designation and does bookkeeping for small businesses and consultants and I am a trainer/consultant/coach. Our house is where we see clients, do our work and in my case hold smaller more intimate training sessions.

Working and living in this arrangement, we’ve discovered that for the most part, days of the week tend to be things that are more interesting to people outside our house than inside.

Not to say we live in a cloistered sterile environment – no way. In fact Jack (our 2 ½ year old) keeps us both hopping from work to Jacksitting, to appointments, to work, to reading, to playing to making dinner, to cleaning the floors, to doctor's appointments, to Grammy and Grandpa's house for babysitting, etc.

Our current circumstances represent a conscious choice to raise Jack in an environment where both his parents are fully present, and to ensure that each of all three of us is well supported.

The odd thing is not that our arrangement is odd, but that it is perceived as odd.

When you do things that aren’t mainstream , you run the risk that people around you may feel your choices are threats to theirs, and will behave accordingly…

Here's a thought. Take a second and think through some of your dreams and goals. How many of them have you dropped or let wane because of what others may think of what you're doing? Are you worried you would threaten them? Dissapoint? Risk ridicule? Would your choice somehow mean something about them (to them) which they would punish you for in some way later on down the line?

Think about your goals and what you want in life, and if that's somehow going to disturb the balance in the people around you, it may be time to do some work on yourself or with them. No-one's insecurities should prevent another from reaching for their goals.


So...have a fantastic Friday…or whatever day it is.

Please Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

If you’ve ever tried unsuccessfully to communicate with someone because they were too dumb, or not paying enough attention, or too distracted or whatever, read the sentence below 10 times: (this NLP presupposition is my favourite)

The meaning of communication is the response you get.

Here in Canada and everywhere else, communication is always determined by the receiver not the sender.

Imagine how things would go if you had this idea in the front of your brain when you were communicating. Instead of people not getting what you were saying, creating frustration, anger, despair or worse, their lack of understanding would spur flexibility and creativity.

Hmm…that wouldn’t suck would it?

This coming week, when you are communicating, notice how your information comes across. If you don’t get the response you were looking for (Oh honey you look just fine in that lime pantsuit!!!), adjust your communication. When you drive from Toronto to Montreal, if you find yourself in Ottawa, you find a way to get to Montreal don’t you?

Same here – when you adjust your communication to accomplish your goals, you find that communication is a process.

In communication, the goal (message) stays fixed but the process (method and medium) must be flexible.

EIEIO

I used to be in Boy Scouts at St Mark’s Anglican in St-Laurent, Quebec.
As a young Boy Scout one of the most fun things was to go to Camp Tamaracouta in the Laurentien mountains North of Montreal. We would go 2 or 3 times per year for weekends but once a year, there was a 2-week trip that was the real thing. We lived in tents, went for midnight ‘orienteering courses’ (aka wild goose chases) while the rest of the camp slept. We went for long overnight hikes off camp property, and generally spent a couple of weeks away from our families, away from our lives, learning about nature, about the nature of people. At camp we learned - in a somewhat controlled environment - lots of things that I believe are important for kids to experience.
I was reading the online version of the New York Times this morning (noticed something that didn’t surprise me, didn’t shock me, but it really did wake me up to the magnitude of a problem I believe is a faux medical crisis of the last 15 years. Click here to read the story)
At the risk of sounding curmudgeonly, when I was a kid at camp, there was another kid Robert B. who was lucky enough to be a total pain-in-the-ass nutcase in 1977 instead of now. Had Robert been that type of kid these days, his fate would have been a horror-show of acronym diagnoses: looking back, I can say a wee bit of authority that he would have been called ADD, ADHD, perhaps dyslexic, and given his dodgy family circumstances, depressive or bi-polar.
We all know the kid. Way too distractable – the kid whose head would turn in 2 seconds to see a bird flap, tree branch wave or leaf fall. They were unable to pass any stimulus without responding…out loud…often VERY loud.
Don’t get me wrong – I have a former student who, if he had been diagnosed as ADD when he was 12, would have led a vastly different life. This person’s ADD has persisted into adulthood when he was finally diagnosed. That is not what I’m talking about.
The NYT article describes the volume of prescribed medication that young children are taking with them to camp. These kids are taking meds for depression, bi-polar disorder, ADD, ADHD, etc. To be sure, if the children are truly suffering from these disorders, I’m all for treatment.
The question is: are the behaviours that diagnosed the children medication worthy actually diagnosable conditions or are they simply kids whose annoying behaviour (as childish behaviour often is) undiagnosed, would extinct naturally over time?
Or is it just a massive cash grab by big pharmaceutical companies who create ‘cures’ for things that aren’t even diseases? Remember – NLP can neutralize a phobia in about 8 minutes. How much unprescribed Xanax is that?
I don’t know what happened to Robert but I do know that one of my best and oldest friends would have probably been a med case back when we were kids. From elementary through high school and probably a tiny bit beyond, this friend was not a great academic performer in school. In fact he was ‘hyper’ much of the time. His behaviour was categorically similar (and most likely consistently diagnosable) until he was about 19 or 20 years old when he shifted.

 

So where is he now you ask? After completing his International MBA, he has held VP level jobs in more than one industry in Canada and the USA. He is a 5^th Dan Black Belt and teacher in Karate. In fact, he was assistant coach of Team Canada in Karate a few years back.

 

I wonder what his life would be now had he been diagnosed (aka labeled or ‘sentenced’) and medicated when he was a kid…

When is a cow not a cow?

In my classes I’ll often ask a seemingly odd question to illustrate the point that words absolutely do not mean the same thing to everyone.

Here’s one example: I’ll ask everyone to place their feet on the ground, their hands in their laps. I’ll then ask them to take a deep breath and concentrate on the first thing that pops into their heads when I say a word.

I wait a beat or two, then say a simple word like ‘Cow’ or ‘dog’ or ‘cat’.

What is obvious at one level is interesting at another. Most people think of the animal I mention (however from time to time I get some interesting interpretations of ‘cow’) and each of them has a full visual, auditory and kinesthetic representation of the thing mentioned. What is crucial to notice is each of their pictures, sounds and feelings associated with the word are completely individual and unique.

No dog, cat or cow has ever been described in the same way.

Even when I’ve had couples in the course who had a cat, they each had a different inner experience when the word ‘cat’ was mentioned.

 

So when I say the word ‘Family’, what comes up for you? Be honest: what is that picture that jumps into your head?

Is it colour or B/W? Is it moving or still?

Can you see someone who looks and sounds like you in the picture, or do you see it through your own eyes?

What sounds do you hear? Talking? Singing? Humming? Yelling?

What direction is it coming from? Is there an inner voice speaking in that picture? What is it saying?

How about the feelings? How does that picture feel when you think about it and where in your body do you now feel these feelings?

 

Each person in the world has a unique vocabulary which is based generally on the common vocabulary that each of us shares, however there is a deeply personal association with each word that we use when communicating.

 

Now, instead of thinking of the word ‘Family’, think of each person in your immediate family and associate them with the word family. Be honest – notice the scene that emerges. Notice what comes up in terms of sounds and especially feelings. Don’t judge – just observe yourself and if you like write down what comes up.

Do the same for a group of close friends. See what you notice – especially pay attention to what you feel.

Are friends the same as family? Is family permanent? Are friends?
Would you prefer friends for family or vice-versa?

The money question would be, “if yes, why?”

A Death in the Family

My Dad’s wife passed away this weekend.
Marie-Paule Hamel was a mother, artist and nurse. She was, in fact, my step mother. After far too many years of smoking cigarettes, she developed emphysema.
I’m not quite sure how long the process took while M-P’s breath slowly escaped her, but I know that she met first met Jack while wearing a respirator. In fact I can’t remember how long ago it was that I filtered out the noise of the machine in their living room and ignored the long snaking tubes feeding her oxygen whenever we’d visit.
Maybe I’ll devote a bit of blog in the future about how much I admire my dad and M-P for keeping familial boundaries intact. Neither of them tried to be what they weren’t. M-P knew she wasn’t my mother and never tried to be. She was always there for Dad and he for her.
I’ll always miss and love M-P for taking care of my Dad. Although he was her caretaker in the last few years, (she called him her angel) she was there for him (and for me and my family) for the last 20+ years.

 

Jennifer’s mother, whom I fondly refer to as Mother Myrna developed breast cancer last year. My sister-in-law Catherine went through an equally scary ordeal a few years back. I don’t know how anyone can come through a health crisis like that unscathed.
To paraphrase Candide (or maybe Dr. Pangloss), in the best of all possible worlds, we’d all know we had 100 years to live and be able to plan appropriately. I wish that were true – if that was the gig, disease would be non-existent (or irrelevant) and we’d know what to do consistently in all situations.
I’ll spare you the endless painful frustrating details but it is my opinion that the treatment that Mother Myrna received could be improved, even though she had a niece, a doctor in the family, advocating very hard on her behalf.
Not everyone has that advantage.
This September, Jennifer is doing the Walk For The Cure to honour the heroic battle her mom fought last year against breast cancer. Right now she needs $2,000 to walk and has been stuck at $1,550 for a while…
Please click below to help. $5 works. $50 is better. And $100 is great. Whatever you are comfortable giving is valued and appreciated.
Thanks to those who have already contributed so generously!

The good news is Catherine is in remission. Mother Myrna is in remission. These nice people deserved better help than was available. Please contribute to Jennifer’s walk to ensure that better help is available in the future.
Thanks for helping.

Click here to support Jennifer’s walk for the cure.

 

 

What motivates you?

You might think, “…yeah nice try Comerford – now ask me something difficult – I know EXACTLY what motivates me…” then you would go on to list a bunch of things that get you out of bed in the morning:  money, power, competition, status or perhaps a beautiful sunrise or oh maybe the occasional poignant thought about poverty avoidance…

You may be surprised to hear that by asking questions just like that, and listening carefully to your answers, NLP practitioners can glean fascinating information about you that might not even be a tiny thought in the back of your head.

One of the multitude of  the tiny bits of genius that constitute the ‘World of NLP’ is how trained practitioners learn to listen to (at least) 2 channels simultaneously. While paying the same attention to the conversation anyone would, they also listen for cues in the unconscious word choices the other person makes. Those cues – those word choices can indicate extremely subtle behavioural and belief systems that reveal information about the unconscious mind.

Hearing that, you might rub your hands together thinking, “Mouuhahahahah…”

However if you are on my mailing list, you know how much this is the stuff that ruins the reputation of NLP. This aspect of NLP has been oversold way down-market. It has been too often misused with the end result of giving NLP a bad reputation in many people’s minds.

But of course you could also have the reaction of being somewhat paranoid when you seem me next and I say, “Hey – long time no see - how are you doing?? J

Whichever reaction you had, consider this:

• Knowing how people are motivated can assist you to motivate employees in ways they find very irresistible.
• Knowing how people are motivated can help you hire the right person for the right job.
• Knowing how people are motivated can help you to communicate effectively with each of the kids you coach in baseball, soccer, football or hockey.
• Knowing how to motivate is what separates people with great titles from people who are great leaders.

Understanding motivational strategies can give you a set of compelling tools to assist people through their own challenges regardless of if they are in the realm of unwanted behaviours, anger, fear, frustration, addictions or anything else. Knowing that kind of information provides the basic framework within which you can help people change in ways that will please and delight them and everyone in their lives.

So…no pressure…what motivates you?

 

P.S. Free evening on tonight. We have a couple of places still available. Head to http://www.nlpworks.com/courses/freeeves.htm for details.

 

Um...are you feeling spammed?

Let me do an impression of your inner voice: “If I get one more e-mail from NLP, I’m gonna #$Q#@!!!”

Okay – here’s the scoop. If you’ve gotten a few e-mails from us which might have looked a bit like spam, they weren’t.

In the past few weeks, we’ve been working hard to enhance how we communicate with the wider world (with this blog for example) and have subscribed to an Autoresponder system which will support some upcoming projects. The service requires that every e-mail address is qualified, so that’s why you’ve gotten the e-mail.

Please click on the links in those e-mails to stay informed. The blog (what you’re reading) is a public broadcast, however by subscribing to the e-mails you will be an insider and gain access to stuff that no-one else will see.

 

(shhhh…)

 

 

Curious about NLP?

With the capacity of NLP to power massive changes in your life, you should be!

Most people learn about NLP first from having read books like Unlimited Power by Anthony Robbins or Introducing NLP by Joseph O'Connor. Books are a good first introduction to some of the interesting 'secrets of communication' that the process of creating NLP uncovered in the late 1970s.

As a matter of fact, that's how I came to learn about NLP back in 1993. My brother sent me a letter (back when people did things like that) saying, "Pick up the book Unlimited Power. Read the chapter about the 'Swish Pattern'. It'll change your life."

He was right and he was wrong. Reading about NLP is fascinating. I remember thinking, "If this stuff is for real, it has the capacity to totally change my life." The big problem was that NLP is less-than-compelling on the printed page...

To really understand the power of NLP and to learn how to use it, there is absolutely no substitute for live training.

We created NLP Free Evenings here at NLP Centres CANADA because there really is no substitute. No matter how gifted the writer, reading about something can't approach the level of detail, experience and wonder of actually living it.

 

The first Thursday of every month we have an Open House running from 7pm to 9:30pm.

 

If you are curious about what NLP is, (and what you can do with it) then this is an outstanding opportunity for you to get a 'free sample' and an understanding of the history of NLP, some of the applications, and you'll also get to see some NLP in action.

You will learn at least one NLP process that you can take home and apply on yourself and your friends. You will be astounded when you learn how quickly and easily NLP works!

Send an e-mail to nlpfreeevening@aweber.com to confirm your seat.

 

We look forward to seeing you here.

 

Hugh Comerford

NLP Centres CANADA

It's the Thinking Stupid!

It’s the Thinking, Stupid.

It’s a sad fact that all too often, many people tend to focus on limits instead of possibilities. We pay more attention to the things that stop us from doing what we want than the things that we can use to propel us to do the things we want to do. (and get all the things we want to get!)

We pay attention to what can go wrong much more than what can go right. We comfort ourselves with rationalizations, “I’m prepared for anything.” Or we justify it through superstition, “If I think about it, it’s guaranteed not to happen.”, or we say we just can’t help it – that’s how we think…

There is a huge difference between preparedness and negative focus. I truly believe that for whatever reason (and if you know me, yeah I have a pretty good idea) our culture influences us to focus much more on what can go wrong than on what can go right.

Right now imagine yourself going on a road trip to visit old friends, say from Toronto to Sudbury. Notice what comes up in your head. Are you excited? Scared? Nervous? Bored?

Some people would spend much of that drive scanning for danger – constantly imagining what could go wrong: imagining other cars hitting theirs, pedestrians diving or falling in front of their wheels, animals bounding in front of the car, while others would calmly drive along, enjoying the scenery and the conversation on the trip.

So the first person gets to Sudbury burned out, with aching hands and back, stressed and in need of a bed or drink (or both), and the second has some good conversation and has seen some nice scenery.

Hmm…which trip would you rather take?  (

In 1992, the Presidential election was won by Bill Clinton by focusing on a simple phrase: “It’s the economy, stupid.” By focusing on what the real problem was (regardless of the spin of the opposition) the Democratic campaign pointed to what was wrong with the thinking of the Republicans.

So when you imagine what is going on in your life that you’re not able to do with complete joy and excitement, think about this phrase:

It’s the thinking, stupid.